I want you to know that I thought about this before I posted it. It is incredibly embarrassing and a little gross, but ultimately I feel like it is too funny to pass up. So I offer up myself and my flaws to you so that you may laugh.
You're very welcome.
I sold my couch finally on Sunday to a woman named Nancy. When Nancy saw the couch in person for the first time, she proclaimed her undying love for its scarlet beauty. She told me that she was buying it for her office and that the girls* she worked with loved the photo and that they would be excited to have a couch to sit on. I have to say, it is oddly comforting to know that someone who is buying something that belonged to you loves it as much as you did. Anyhoo, buy it she did and she and the guy she brought to help her carried the couch out my front door and down to their truck. About 10 minutes after they left she called me to ask if she could come back up and use my bathroom. Of course I said she could - far be it for me to withhold the ability to use a bathroom from someone else. That's just mean.
I showed her where the bathroom was, she used it, politely said thanks and then left. A little bit later I had to go, too, so I went into the bathroom. That is when I discovered what I had done:
Yeah. Pretty damn embarrassing. Feel free to laugh, though. Ok, that's enough. I SAID, THAT'S ENOUGH. Ok, fine. I'll wait.
Do you suppose Nancy and her girls* are laughing about this? I have to admit, I would be if I were them. I'd be calling me the "hemorrhoid girl" or the couch the "hemorrhoid couch". Maybe the "H.C." for short. I'd sit on it and then pretend my behind itched and then run away screaming "HEMORRHOID COUCH!! HEMORRHOID COUCH!!" or something equally ridiculous. Of course, I do have a weird sense of humor. And a bit of a wicked streak, too.
I guess I can bear the embarrassment, though. My hemorrhoids and I just deposited a nice chunk of cash money, courtesy of Nancy and her girls.*
* Do you suppose that Nancy runs an, er, escort service or something? Just who are these girls?