Monday, April 27, 2009

In which there is fire, ice and probably too many "quotation" marks

(I started writing this post last Monday.  Let's pretend I finished it then and posted it, too, 'k?)


"Is it possible to hate everyone all at the same time?" SK asked me at work this morning.

"Of course," I answered.  "It's called 'Monday'."


It was exceptionally hot this weekend, so I broke down and bought a fan from the local hardware store.  I got the "Blizzard", which has three speeds, oscillates, has a timer and features two breeze modes.  I'm not really sure what that means, but if it makes it feel like a blizzard in my apartment it's worth it.   I spent the evening yesterday trying to stay as close to the fan as possible.  I took it to bed with me, setting it on the floor so that it would blow onto my face or on my back, depending on which side I was sleeping on.  I woke up this morning to an odd noise, and once I was mostly conscious, I attributed it to my blanket getting caught in my fan.  

"That's not good," I observed to the Blizzard, and easily pulled the blanket away from the fan. I heard the noise again snapped to the fact that it was coming from outside my window.  I peeked out to see what was going on.  I saw firemen (mmmm...firemen) tromping around on the roof of the building across the street, shining their flashlights everywhere, and when I looked down into the street, I saw three fire engines, paramedics and a couple of other support vehicles all with their lights flashing.  The sound that woke me was actually the firemen cutting the lock off the door of the mexican restaurant across the street. 

There were no flames, but there was the requisite smoke, firemen with hoses and evacuees from the building above the restaurant.  Two more fire engines showed up.  I deemed the situation 'under control' and went back to sleep.  

When I left for work this morning, I saw two Con Ed trucks outside the restaurant and therefore surmised that the fire must have been electrical.  Or, perhaps someone was just making some really hot nachos.  

Mmmmm...nachos.  And firemen.  A pretty good way to start the day.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Insomniac Haiku #3

Still awake. Again.
When was the last time I blinked?
Guess I'll nap at work.

Monday, April 20, 2009

In which I crave coffee with a side of horseradish

The office in New York is filled with artistic types.  We have actors, artists, writers and dancers.  And the really great thing is that we all support each other by attending each others' shows and reading each others' plays and looking at each others' websites.  The other night, several of us went to see one of our former colleagues in her dance concert.  We weren't able to sit together, though, so I ended up sitting next to several older women with some serious New York accents who apparently had some rather unfortunate friends.  During intermission they were talking to each other, and I was eavesdropping, as usual.  Eavesdropping is actually one of my best skills.  That and reading upside down.  I still think I'd make one hell of a spy. But as I was listening to their conversation, I couldn't figure out what the odd clicking sound was that I kept hearing in between sentences. 

"What about Pete?"

*click* [What is that noise?]



"You remember Pete?" 

*click*  [What IS that?]

"The one who makes his own horseradish?"  [Who makes horseradish?  How do you even make horseradish?]

"Yes!  I think we still have some in our fridge."

*click*  [Could it be ill-fitting dentures?]

"What happened to him?" 


"I think he died." 

"Oh."  [Wait, from the horseradish?]

*click* *cough* *choke*

"Are you ok?"

"Oh, yes...oh.  *cough*  What a way to go!  On a Nip.  Oh."

*click*  [Oh, good heavens.  Is that it?  She's sucking on coffee flavored candy?]

"Do you want one?"




"A nip?"  [Because her clicking and choking are such a ringing endorsement for Nips.]


"No, thanks.  Oh, Sue.  Do you remember her?"


"She used to come all the time."


"I wonder what happened to her."


"I think she died."  [No doubt by choking on a Nip.]


Monday, April 13, 2009

In which I may have lost my mind

Flink flink flink flink.

I know, I know.  I've been staring at you for an hour and a half.


Yeah, I know.  But I just can't think of anything.

Flink.  Flinky flink flink.

Right, Cursor, that's true, but isn't it better not to write anything than just to write a bunch of nonsensical dreck?

Flink, flink flink flink flink flink.

Wait, what do you mean that would be a change?  I try to write posts that are somewhat entertaining, yes, but I also like them to be uplifting and informative.

Flink flink flink flink!

Oh really?  Have you ever tried to write a blog?  It's not as easy as it looks.

Flink flink flink flink!

That's not funny.


Stop laughing at me!


Oh, come on!  Like YOU do anything important?  You just sit around flinking your flinker all the livelong day.  "Flink flink flink."  Very creative.

Flink flink flinker flink.  Flink flinking flink flink FLINK.

There is NO. NEED. to get personal.

Flink.  Flink flinky.


Flinky flink.  Flink?

Ok.  Truce.  

Flink flink.  Flink flink flink flink!

I'll try to think of something for tomorrow night, ok?

Flink flink.

Good night.


Sunday, April 5, 2009

In which I have to drink tepid water out of a GLASS, for God's sake...

 I am so happy I moved back to NYC. I do love being here.  I'm close to my friends, my social life is much more active and I am able make fantastic use of my green raincoat.  But I am exhausted.  My ankles and knees are sore and swollen.  I'm tired all the time.  I don't have any money and I'm struggling to find a second job, as well as figure out ways to cut costs in this expensive city.

Officially?  New York is kicking my ass.  



I mean, I felt compelled to order tea instead of some lovely wine at my book club meeting today to save money.  How many more concessions am I going to have to make, I ask you????

At least I have my friends to commiserate with.  I was having dinner with C and M the other night, and we collectively decided that the recession stinks.  We all liked it better when we felt like our jobs were secure and we could drink champagne out of our Christian Louboutins.    Not that I actually ever had Louboutins.  It's more like Nine Wests or Banana Republics for me.   Maybe flip-flops, although it seems like it might be hard to keep the champagne "in" them.  Probably you'd have to lap the champagne off the inside of the... oh, never mind.  This is getting gross. 

Well, at least I still have a job, I still have friends and I still have the skills to get that second job.  I still love New York.  It may be kicking me, but I'm still kicking back.