Tuesday, April 13, 2010


I went to the pharmacy to pick up a couple of prescriptions this evening and the clerk asked me my name and my address.

370 West Bedbug Central, I wanted to say.

I only said it in my head, though, as the mere thought of bedbugs will throw anyone residing in the city of New York into a frenzy. And I live right in the part of town that has had the worst bedbug problem. And...I think...they are in... my bed.

I know a couple of people who have dealt with this, now my trusted advisors, who -

We interrupt this blog entry to note how dreamy Desmond on Lost is. Oh, I am so taken with him! We now return to your regularly scheduled blogging.

- to know if you have them for sure, so there's still a possibility that it's something else, but what else would have exactly the same -

Really, he has such a nice face. So attractive, even with that crooked nose. And there's this air of innocence about him; a purity, if you will.

- just itchy everywhere, and I know that it is probably mostly psychosomatic, but -

He's just got this kind of calm confidence that is such a draw. And his voice. I just love his accent. That gorgeous accent coming out of that gorgeous face!

- and I haven't been traveling, so I don't know how they got -

And the way he calls everybody "brutha..." Mmmmmmm.

- crap, is that...?! Oh, never mind. It's just a fleck of black pepper.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

A return, finally

I got my sister a giant royal blue Pez dispenser as a gift. A battery operated one. It played songs and made noise and generally entertained. But then it started beeping. I turned it off, but it kept going. I took off the back of it and pulled a battery out. It kept beeping. I took the other battery out, but still, it kept beeping.

"I can't make it stop," I said aloud, and woke myself doing so.

It was my alarm, which apparently had been going off for forty-seven minutes this morning.

Forty-seven minutes.

It's been a tough week. Work has been incredibly busy. I've worked forty hours already this week and it is only Thursday. I'm so busy we've had to send someone else to court.

So it was a challenge to wake up this morning. And when I finally did, I was forty-seven minutes behind schedule. In order to get to work on time, I decided to get a cab. I didn't want to - well, I did want to - I want to take a cab every day, but I don't let myself. I didn't really have a choice this morning, because I simply can't be late to work.

The weather here has been relatively warm and spring-like, and you know what that means - it's time to bring back the green overcoat. I've been wearing it all week with little to no weird attention, which is a good thing, as I don't really have the energy for it right now.

Several cabs passed me this morning as I was trying to hail one, and I was starting to get really frustrated. But one finally stopped. When I got in, he was laughing. "I stopped for you," he said.

"Yes," I said. "Several other cabs didn't."

"They must be blind not to see you. But I see ok. I see your green coat. Can't miss that green coat!"

At last, that damn green coat got me the kind of attention I wanted.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


It was a fairly bleak day in New York today. Sleet and snow that didn't stick, so, no fluffy white, just grey grossness outside. Naturally, I had to go to court.

I had to go to not one, but two courts today, Civil and Criminal. Fabulous. I went to Civil first, to hand deliver some courtesy copies of documents that had previously been filed. When I got where I was going, they told me to go to another room to hand in the papers. When I got there, they told me they couldn't accept them.

Some guy: "Judge X won't accept any papers until five days before they are due. This isn't due until April first. Boy, you are WAAAYYYY too early!"

Me: "What?"

Some guy: "Judge X won't accept any papers until five days before they are due. You'll have to come back then."

Me: "Is this just for Judge X or for all the judges?"

Some guy: *Stares*

Seriously, he just stared at me. So I went back to the place where I started and asked the slightly crusty guy at the desk what was going on. He went to speak with a portly gentleman further back in the room. I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but their conversation was pretty animated, and the slightly crusty guy seemed to dislike the information he was getting. He returned to me, rolling his eyes, and apologized. He explained to me that this was a new rule in effect since Friday. Friday? The courts were closed on Friday. And Monday. So it really went into effect today, and there was no way we could've known anyway. Slightly crusty guy was so apologetic that I couldn't be upset anymore. I thanked him and headed out for Criminal Court.

Now, I HATE Criminal Court - here's why: they treat you like a criminal when you go there. They are impolite and disrespectful. Now, I understand that Criminal Court is probably a hard place to work, you know, 'cause of the criminals and all. And I know that these guys don't have any idea who I am when I walk through the door. For all they know, I've got a knife or gun or prison shank on me. But what they don't realize is that I would NEVER bring a knife or gun or prison shank to Criminal Court. I mean, it just isn't done. No, I leave my prison shank where it belongs, in my silverware drawer in case I need to slice a grapefruit or stab Big Sal when he tries to attack me in the shower.

Of course today I wore bracelets and they set off the metal detector as I went through. Twice. So, guess who got wanded? Yep, me. Front, then back. The wand beeped as it came across my bracelets, and then again across my behind. And then again across my behind. Then again.

"You have something in back?" he asked.

I lifted up my coat. "No. Just a big butt," I explained.

I went on my way to the Summons office to see if I could get more information on a ticket one of our clients received.

"Can you tell me if you have the paperwork on this yet?" I asked.

"No, we don't have anything on this," the clerk answered.

"Well, can you at least tell me what the violation is?"

"No. It'll say that on the paperwork."

Helpful. So I was unsuccessful in both courts today. One long, cold, wet, nasty trip and what do I have to show for it?

A big, magnetic butt.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I find it ironic that I am eating a pie while watching The Biggest Loser. So I'm changing the channel to The Office.


I apologize for not posting in so long. I was too stressed out and tired to post anything, and I fear that my posts would have been something like this:


But I've had a vacation, so I am better now. See?



New York City is bitterly cold this evening. I thought it was supposed to be warmer (relatively) tonight, but I guess I didn't figure in the wind chill. I have, of course, retired my green overcoat until warmer days (somewhere in the future, probably about 9 million months from now. Maybe.) and have been wearing my white coat. It is a little too big, but that's good, because I can layer up underneath. The only problem is that instead of having four good, solid buttons, it has three buttons and...a snap. A snap? Really? On a winter coat? The snap is just below my waist, so naturally if the wind is blowing, it magically unfastens that snap and blows the bottom of my coat up in the air.

It occurs to me now how ridiculous my coat situation is. My green coat attracts wackadoos, my brown coat is too small to wear sweaters underneath (and even smaller than that, after all the celebratory Christmas eating), and my white coat flies up like The Flying Nun's wimple.


Do you suppose I could somehow parlay this blog into several new coats?


So I was out shopping with my friend on Sunday, and she had to go to her office afterward. I went up in the elevator with her so that I could use the restroom, and then she offered me a cup of tea to take with me on my way home. I accepted her offer and made myself half a cup of tea, put the lid on and made my way out and to the subway. I had to wait for a little bit, but the train came and I was able to get a seat next to this woman. A woman who was wearing a big, fat fur coat. She completely freaked out when she saw me sit next to her. "Watch your coffee!" she instructed me, nastily. I ignored her. But the longer I sat there, the more my impish side took over, and I moved the (almost empty) cup of tea closer and closer to her fur coat. She was sighing and murmuring and huffing and puffing in her seat, but I just continued to pretend to ignore her while my cup hovered dangerously (not) over her sable. Luckily for her, I got off at the next stop. But that short ride sure was fun for me. Hee hee!