Turns out you don't need a lot of stuff. Dangit.
I ran into one of my big bosses in the kitchen this afternoon. He was looking for money. Aren't we all, bub?
"Do you have eighty-five cents?" he asked.
I patted myself down and said, "Not on me, sorry."
"Well, usually I can only get what I want if I have exact change," he explained. "I only have bills today. Let's see what happens." He put his dollar into the machine and successfully got his eighty-five cent Wheat Thins. "You know," he said, as he began to make a cup of coffee, "you should just be able to forfeit your change."
"You know, forfeit your change so that you can get what you want if you only have a dollar."
"Suze would not like that," I pointed out.
"Who?" he asked.
"Suze Orman. She says you should save your change and put it in your savings account," I explained.
He looked nonplussed. "But I should be able to get what I want. "
"Ah ha! Suze says that you have to figure out what it is you need and what you just want."
"Well, I could come to your house and take away a lot of things you have that you don't need. I mean, you probably only need a couple of outfits-"
I wear the same pair of pants every day, so close enough, right? I'm on board with that.
"-and probably only one pair of shoes-"
Check. I wear tennis shoes every day, because otherwise I walk like Frankenstein.
Ok. That'll save me some time in the morning.
Whoa. Wait a second, there. "Jewelry?" I asked. "You want to take my jewelry?" I hid my hand behind my back. "You can't have my flower ring. No."
"See?" He smiled. "We all want something."
"Fine. I said, "You can have your Wheat Thins. I'm keeping my ring."
"That's what I'm saying. You should be able to have what you want."
That's when I left. But now I realize I should've asked for a raise. Or at least some nachos.