Monday, November 17, 2008

In which I am shocked and horrified

I had to go back to the neurologist today so they could see if there is any nerve damage in my hands and feet.  I passed the time while waiting for my test by observing the office. It is rather, well, laid back, I guess would be the term.  They leave the door between the waiting room and the exam area open.  The doctor wanders around asking the staff why there isn't any foam on his cappuccino.  The receptionist eats breakfast at the front desk, while asking the gentleman waiting what his name is for the third time.   

It is super classy.  

When it was finally my turn, the receptionist invited me back to the exam room and gave me a lovely paper gown to wear.  Then the doctor came in, fumbled around with the machine, mumbled to himself, walked back out into the hallway, came back in, more fumbling and mumbling.  

Then he proceeded to shock the crap out of me.  Literally.  He stuck things on my hands and one of my feet and then shocked me with this thing that looked like the heating element on my mom's old electric skillet.  I burned myself on that thing once.  It hurt.  A LOT.  This was less fun, mostly because I kept getting zapped over and over again.  I can see how electro-shock makes a good torture method.  I was ready to tell anything.

"36-22-36!" I yelled.  
"What's that?"  he said. 
"My middle school locker combination?  I thought you were trying to get information from me..."
He just mumbled.

Mild carpal tunnel syndrome was the diagnosis for my hands.  No answer as to why my feet are numb and/or tingly.  My regular doctor's original diagnosis was anxiety, so without a full diagnosis of all the symptoms,  I guess this gives her free license to go ahead and stamp my chart "CRAZY!"  KA-CHUNK!

But my question is this:  am I really required to accept the opinion of a doctor whose office machinery looks like this?

Right there, next to the latex glove and that sterile looking tube thingy - yes.  That is a piece of popcorn.

Popcorn.  Now I am a major fan of popcorn, but...

POPCORN?! What, did he get hungry while shocking me?  All that hard work made him need a little nosh?  Call me crazy (see above), but it seems a bit unprofessional to me that there would be food on your medical equipment.   Seriously, how did that get there?  Did they project a movie on the eye chart during the previous day's lunch?  When the doctor saw it, as he must have, why didn't he GET RID OF IT?  And if he didn't see it, what does that say about his, I don't know, eyesight?  How do I know he read the machine right if he can't see well enough to catch that piece of popcorn?  

And if my numbness is because of anxiety, why didn't my entire body go numb with horror at the very moment I found that piece of popcorn?  ANSWER ME THAT, DOCTOR.

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