Tuesday, September 16, 2008

In which I rant

I have been keeping a big secret from everyone.  I have been trying to pretend that everything is ok, and that I am normal, like everyone else, but it's not true.

I have to be honest, and I hope you will still love me even when you find this out:


I can barely use any of the following:

My iPhone

My MacBook

The Internet

Dental floss 
(seriously, once the dental hygienist asked me to show her how I floss, I did, and then she was all "huh-uh" and I still don't know what I was doing wrong.  Hope I can figure out how to work dentures).

I do, however, know how to work my DVR.  Can't miss an episode of House.

This is really an embarrassing situation, mostly because I feel like everyone else knows all these things and that I have somehow been left in the dark.  It is as if everyone is walking around knowing how to use the newest applications, and I'm still trying to figure out how to download a damn photo.  

I was at a seminar recently where they said the Gen Xers are sort of caught in the middle - that Baby Boomers don't have to know how to use the newest technology, and Millennials have grown up using computers and email and video games.  Gen Xers feel like they should know how to use computers with ease, but they often don't and instead try to fake it.  This is my life.

I recently purchased this MacBook and I really like it.  But I have learned the three things I know about computers on an IBM and not all of that transfers to Apple.  I try to figure it out, I really do, but how are you supposed to do anything when you CAN'T RIGHT CLICK?  Seriously, right click is my go-to command, and I can't do anything without it.  Combine this with the fact that Blogger is all stupid and won't let me drag photos into my posts makes my blogging life generally miserable.  

I think I am beginning to have paranoid delusions that all technology is plotting to TORTURE me.

I'll bet if I set my alarm for 3 am I will wake up to find my laptop, phone and wine opener sitting around laughing and drinking my Grey Goose, the dental floss smirking quietly and smoking a cigarette (not one of mine - I don't smoke - but that wine opener has a death wish). The ziplock on the bag of gluten free tortillas probably brings the snacks.

I suppose that I could have worse problems than modern technology.  At least I am not waiting for the wagon to come with that big block of ice so I can be free from the worry of ptomaine poisoning.  I guess I'd rather have to figure out how to hook up the printer than have to type on carbon paper.  I'd probably never pay a bill on time if I actually had to put it in the mail, rather than paying on line.  

If only they would make a computer that could floss my teeth.

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