Tuesday, February 16, 2010


It was a fairly bleak day in New York today. Sleet and snow that didn't stick, so, no fluffy white, just grey grossness outside. Naturally, I had to go to court.

I had to go to not one, but two courts today, Civil and Criminal. Fabulous. I went to Civil first, to hand deliver some courtesy copies of documents that had previously been filed. When I got where I was going, they told me to go to another room to hand in the papers. When I got there, they told me they couldn't accept them.

Some guy: "Judge X won't accept any papers until five days before they are due. This isn't due until April first. Boy, you are WAAAYYYY too early!"

Me: "What?"

Some guy: "Judge X won't accept any papers until five days before they are due. You'll have to come back then."

Me: "Is this just for Judge X or for all the judges?"

Some guy: *Stares*

Seriously, he just stared at me. So I went back to the place where I started and asked the slightly crusty guy at the desk what was going on. He went to speak with a portly gentleman further back in the room. I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but their conversation was pretty animated, and the slightly crusty guy seemed to dislike the information he was getting. He returned to me, rolling his eyes, and apologized. He explained to me that this was a new rule in effect since Friday. Friday? The courts were closed on Friday. And Monday. So it really went into effect today, and there was no way we could've known anyway. Slightly crusty guy was so apologetic that I couldn't be upset anymore. I thanked him and headed out for Criminal Court.

Now, I HATE Criminal Court - here's why: they treat you like a criminal when you go there. They are impolite and disrespectful. Now, I understand that Criminal Court is probably a hard place to work, you know, 'cause of the criminals and all. And I know that these guys don't have any idea who I am when I walk through the door. For all they know, I've got a knife or gun or prison shank on me. But what they don't realize is that I would NEVER bring a knife or gun or prison shank to Criminal Court. I mean, it just isn't done. No, I leave my prison shank where it belongs, in my silverware drawer in case I need to slice a grapefruit or stab Big Sal when he tries to attack me in the shower.

Of course today I wore bracelets and they set off the metal detector as I went through. Twice. So, guess who got wanded? Yep, me. Front, then back. The wand beeped as it came across my bracelets, and then again across my behind. And then again across my behind. Then again.

"You have something in back?" he asked.

I lifted up my coat. "No. Just a big butt," I explained.

I went on my way to the Summons office to see if I could get more information on a ticket one of our clients received.

"Can you tell me if you have the paperwork on this yet?" I asked.

"No, we don't have anything on this," the clerk answered.

"Well, can you at least tell me what the violation is?"

"No. It'll say that on the paperwork."

Helpful. So I was unsuccessful in both courts today. One long, cold, wet, nasty trip and what do I have to show for it?

A big, magnetic butt.


  1. Please tell big Sal to stay elsewhere when I visit as I have neither a prison shank, nor a magnetic butt with which to protect myself!

  2. We're missing some fridge magnets from when you were here at Christmas, could you...um...check yourself?