I've taken to wearing my yoga pants to and from work, because I am either walking for exercise or I am all hot and sweaty from running to the subway because I'm late. Usually it is the latter. Anyway, I was coming home from work this evening and got off the bus at my usual stop. I was struggling a little because I was carrying a small box of stuff and my pants were sliding down a little bit. So I juggled a bit, pulled down my shirt and hiked up my pants, and about ten seconds later I heard a woman's voice say:
"If you want, I could represent your ass. Very nice."
I looked back to see this tiny older woman behind me. I thought for a second that she might be on the phone, but she wasn't. And then, because I am sensitive about my size, I assumed she was being derogatory. Don't acknowledge her, I thought. Don't engage the crazy. So about two nanoseconds later, I whipped around with, "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME??!"
"I'm an agent," she said. "I could represent you."
Another woman walked by and said "No, she's not. She's..." as she made the international sign for wack-a-doodle-ding-dong-doo.
The older woman kept walking, saying "Lovely. Just lovely."
But now that I think about it, could my butt make some money somehow? I mean, of course there is always the obvious, I know, but I'm not desperate enough for that. Could there be some sort of fully covered ass modeling that I could do? Could I teach it to do tricks? Sing songs? Play the French horn? I'll have to see what I can come up with.